I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
True strength comes from lack of pants
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
