She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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