do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
