A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
