I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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