i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
