Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
