He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
