Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
