I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
