Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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