Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
