I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize