Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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