So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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