It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
