I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
