the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
