Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
