My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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