he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
