sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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