I'm really into asian looking animals
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dicks are not precious.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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