OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
