i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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