Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize