Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
