I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
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