i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
