So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
