His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
