Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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