It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
