So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
