Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
