So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think my vagina is haunted
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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