Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
