She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
