boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
