Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
