Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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