So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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