if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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