I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
