Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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