there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
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It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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