Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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