i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
