and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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