Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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