The maid of honor just puked.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
