I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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