so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
