I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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