I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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