dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
