i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
