just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
