she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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